Ask the Captain
Sleepless in Albany
Dear Captain,
Do you have any tips for when your spouse informs you she is afraid you're spending all your emotional and organizational activity on your baseball cap collection?
My wife recently told me this. I often feel spent at the end of the day, this fantasy football season was very rough. I have been unable to find work for three years and am holding out for a management position.
The Captain's response: Really? She can't see what's going on and help out? Here is the solution: Make her an employee! Give her a title and put her in charge of something. You don't need a co-adult, you need more of a buddy. Do not default to the role of family manager and start doing dishes, laundry, and yardwork. This sounds like a lot of dysfunction in your family. Are their kids involved? .
Tell your wife she is right and suggest the next way out of this is to split the baseball cap responsibilities more equitably. Say you were wrong (make it something minor and insignificant) and state that you have too much responsibility. This way you are inviting her to join you in replacing unhealthy defaults with a conscious, pragmatic plan for shared ownership with your hobby and each other's well being. You both decide how you live and you both decide how to do your shares.
Repeat this to yourself..... Me Tarzan, You Jane.
Best of Luck,
The Captain
Lonely at Lids
Dear Captain,
I'm 16 and have a crush on a guy who is 23. We met at the local Lids where he works. He's very shy and did not make the first move, but now we flirt a lot. He lost his drivers license and I give him rides to work. I even drop his daughters off at day care. He gives me the employee discount. What do you think about the situation? If he kisses me what should I do? If he doesn't make a move what should I do?
The Captain's response: My advice is to forget about it. New Era has totally ruined MLB on-fields by putting the flag on the side of the cap, so you don't need the employee discount. If he kisses you, consider the consequences if your parents find out what has been going on. It could cost this man his job. He is so much older and more experienced than you are. There could be criminal penalties and possible jail time for him if he should pursue you.
Best of luck,
The Captain
Drama in the workplace
Dear Captain,
With one exception, everything about my job is terrific. I work part-time at an upscale retail franchise (Dollar General) which is preparing me for a career in hospitality management. The best perk of my job is that I can wear a fitted baseball cap to work every day. My boss is a great mentor and most of my colleagues are upbeat and enthusiastic in the face of hopelessness. However, one of them is a real mood-killer and trying to enforce a work place dress code.
"Tim" starts complaining as soon as he walks in the door. Our manager is his primary target, but he makes disparaging comments about everyone, including customers and co-workers. He loves to gossip and enjoys telling malicious stories about certain staff members.
"Tim" does not seem to care that customers can often hear his negative remarks. Although I would like to correct his unprofessional behavior, that might put me on his enemies list. If I mention this to my boss, I'm afraid I will sound like a tattle tale. What should I do?
The Captain's response: Tread lightly and be appreciative that you have a job where you can wear a fitted cap in the workplace. Since "Tim" is bothering employees and guests, someone certainly needs to address it. If you prefer to keep this on a peer level, team up with other cheerful colleagues and arrange to have a private conversation with "Tim". A group discussion will have greater impact and minimize the possibility of retribution.
For example, "Tim, we wanted to talk with you because you are not obviously not happy here. Although we're sorry about that, listening to you complain has become rather depressing. So. from now on we are not going to participate in any more gripe sessions."
Best of Luck,
The Captain
